❂-∞
ʙᴜᴍᴘᴇr
ᴀᴅ
-∞-❂
POST: 0019
POETRY
02-03-02022
I need a cathedral of creative inspiration, a peace-filled place to sit & read & write. Right now, I have a coffee spot.
For $҉2҉.҉0҉0҉ extra, the espresso is made with special beans from a special place. This week's special bean is named Turkish Gesha. It is from Ethiopia. The tasting notes are printed in cursive font on a rice paper menu:
“𝑅𝑜𝓈𝑒𝓌𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒥𝒶𝓈𝓂𝒾𝓃𝑒”
I order Turkish Gesha. I think about the civil war in Ethiopia, the Ottoman Empire, and the Armenian Genocide, but only for a second. These are not peaceful thoughts.
𝘙𝘖𝘟𝘠 𝘔𝘜𝘚𝘐𝘊 is about to play on the cafe speakers. They are AUXed into the phone of a barista who can’t pay $҉9҉.҉9҉9҉ a month for an Ad-Free Plan.
ꜱᴛʀɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴘᴛɪᴍᴜᴍ ʟɪꜰᴇ ʙᴀʟᴀɴᴄᴇ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴄʟᴀꜱꜱɪᴄ & ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇᴍᴘᴏʀᴀʀʏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ 2022 ɢᴍᴄ ᴡᴀɢᴏɴᴇᴇʀ & ɢᴍᴄ ɢʀᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀɢᴏɴᴇᴇʀ. ᴀ ᴍɪx ᴏꜰ ʀᴜɢɢᴇᴅ ᴅᴇꜱɪɢɴ & ᴇʟᴇɢᴀɴᴛ ꜱᴛʏʟᴇꜱ. ᴛᴀᴄᴋʟᴇ ʟɪꜰᴇ’S ᴄʜᴀʟʟᴇɴɢᴇ’S ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴄᴏɴꜰɪᴅ . . .
【ＳＫＩＰ ＡＤ │►】
I pick a table in a beam of morning light, preparing for my $҉8҉.҉0҉0҉ espresso.
♪ I could feel at the time ♪
♪ There was no way of knowing ♪
I start thinking about the happiest moment of my life. I’m wondering if the goal of my life is to surpass those happiest moments with happier moments. I shouldn’t think about that. I should start reading & writing.
♪ Fallen leaves in the night ♪
♪ Who can say where they’re blowing? ♪
Because when I think about the goal of my life, I get these anxiety attacks. I feel myself ⓟ ⓛ ⓤ ⓡ ⓐ ⓛ ⓘ ⓩ ⓘ ⓝ ⓖ. I told my tele-therapist about it.
“You are a gem with 10,000 facets,” my tele-therapist said. “Each one perfect & pristine.”
5,650 facets heard this and laughed. 2,345 cringed. The rest hoped he was right, but those 7,995 told them to shut their childish mouths. 10,000 facets of conflicting wants & needs, desires & pains. Every choice leaves thousands of facets dissatisfied. Thousands in a panic.
♪ As free as the wind ♪
♪ Hopefully learning ♪
Gems have no decisions, no feelings.
I think, “This is a stupid gem.”
My $҉8҉.҉0҉0҉ espresso comes on a plate with a small glass of seltzer.
♪ Why the sea on the tide ♪
♪ Has no way of turning ♪
The first sip tastes like 𝑅𝑜𝓈𝑒𝓌𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒥𝒶𝓈𝓂𝒾𝓃𝑒. 7,578 facets find it perfect; a perfect moment. 2,346 facets wonder why perfect moments are so short, so easy to upset?
♪ More than this ♪
♪ You know there's nothing ♪
How nice it would be to walk my choices forward to the place where I knew the results. I could program a GPS to choose the route of perfection, 10,000-facets-in-peace.
♪ More than this ♪
The route of peace towards peace.
♪ Tell me one thing ♪
♪ More than this ♪
♪ Ooh there's nothing ♪
But I broke my GPS, right after I quit my job, and right before I moved cities. I chose chaos. I jumped from monetized function to a life of aimless aesthetics, like l jump over dog shit. I made ｔａｂｕｌａ░ｒｏｓａ of life.
It felt adventurous; it felt like it would make me a perfect gem. I am supposed to be happy. I can read & write & think & drink exotic espresso all day.
♪ It was fun for a while ♪
This life was supposed to be vengeance against the life I left, a vindication.
♪ There was no way of knowing ♪
It’s just distracting, though.
I say it aloud quietly.
“𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝓂𝒶𝒹𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝒸𝒶𝓁𝓁, 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒.”
Because I need affirmation, and I’ve only one audible voice for the 10,000 facets, and it’s peaceful to think that 10,000 unify into one when I speak.
I appreciate how the espresso really does taste like 𝑅𝑜𝓈𝑒𝓌𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒥𝒶𝓈𝓂𝒾𝓃𝑒, even though it is espresso. I try to read.
A man with a just-OK beard at the table next to me is talking fast & frenetic at a really pretty woman. There is a O̷N̷E̷W̷H̷E̷E̷L̷™ leaning against the wall behind him. Another ad is playing on his laptop speaker table.
ʏᴏᴜ’ve ʙᴏᴏᴋᴇᴅ ᴀ ꜱᴜɴɴʏ ꜱᴋɪ ᴄʜᴀʟᴇᴛ, ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴠɪᴇᴡꜱ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴛᴜɴɴɪɴɢ ᴘᴇᴀᴋꜱ & ᴀ ꜱᴛᴏᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪɴꜱᴘɪʀᴇꜱ ᴍᴀɢɴɪꜰɪᴄᴇɴᴛ ʜᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴄᴏᴀ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɪᴅꜱ ᴡɪʟʟ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ꜰᴏʀᴇᴠᴇʀ? ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴏɴ ɢʀᴀɴᴅᴍᴀ'ꜱ . . .
【ＳＫＩＰ ＡＤ │►】
He closes his laptop. “So as far as synergy between the teams goes, do you think we need bi-weekly meetings, or is a weekly meeting enough? I think a 30-minute meeting where each person goes over their goals, objectives, and budgets for the week, and if anyone needs to discuss anything further they should respect the team's time and address it outside this meeting's more streamlined framework.”
♪ Like a dream in the night ♪
♪ Who can say where we're going? ♪
“I agree.”
I jumped to a different life and I want the risks, the ones taken with childish naivete, to be rewarded. I want an artist’s courage.
♪ No care in the world ♪
♪ Maybe I'm learning ♪
“We should each write down what we need from this meeting and any creative ideas we have to achieve those goals.”
“I agree.”
I used to like to talk like that at my job. I used to like saying “I agree” to things that seemed big and necessary. But I stopped thinking they were big and necessary. Now, I think about how many drone strikes happen during all the 30-minute team meetings. How many microplastics were in the team meeting refreshments? What kind of art the team meeting members would make if they were getting paid the same salary to make art as they were to pretend big and necessary things are happening at weekly team meetings?
“I think 5 minutes at the beginning of each meeting discussing the goals of the meeting is a great way to keep the meeting useful and on track.”
Now, I think about vengeance again. Art should be my vengeance.
“Totally agree.”
I used to stare blankly at the meeting agenda while 1,188 thousand facets would think about how they would only be happy if they could sit in cafés, sip good espresso, and make art. And they were somehow louder than the other 8,808 facets that said that WORK = $$$ = SAFETY. Because the richest men in my family told me that Warren Buffet said . . .
“𝚂𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚢 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚊 𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚐𝚘.”
I spent 10 years planting cash-seeds in my checking account, waiting for my shady-tree-repree.
♪ Why the sea on the tide ♪
♪ Has no way of turning ♪
Now, I feel vengeful. But I don’t think art and revenge jive.
ꜰɪʟᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛᴀxᴇꜱ ꜰʀᴇᴇ, ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴡᴀʏ. ᴛʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʀɪɢʜᴛ! ᴅᴏ ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱᴇʟꜰ ᴏʀ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀɴ ᴇxᴘᴇʀᴛ ᴅᴏ ɪᴛ ᴀʟʟ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ. ₛᵢₘₚₗₑ ₜₐₓ ₒₙₗy ₘᵤₛₜ fᵢₗₗ ₒᵤₜ by Fₑbᵣᵤₐᵣy ₁₅ₜₕ ₛₒₘₑ ᵣₑₛₜᵣᵢcₜ . . .
【ＳＫＩＰ ＡＤ │►】
I’m starting to think this cafe is too distracting. I'm starting to think this boss with the just-OK beard is peacocking, not managing.
“Because your ideas are valuable. I don’t want you to feel bound to the framework of the meeting. If you have something to say then, gurl, I want you to say it.”
“I agree.”
I can't concentrate. I am picturing this woman saying nothing but, “I agree.” I imagine her getting a promotion, then another promotion, and a corner office all on “I agree.” I hear her on wealth-growing podcasts saying “I agree” to the host. I’m picturing her as a CEO on a book tour for a pop-biz bestseller titled 𝕀 𝔸𝕘𝕣𝕖𝕖: 𝕋𝕙𝕖 ℙ𝕒𝕤𝕤𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝔽𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕔𝕚𝕒𝕝 ℙ𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕖. I laugh, just-OK beard looks me some quick daggers and continues.
“Cool, I’m excited. This is exciting. We can start the meeting onboarding process next week.”
“I agree!”
❂-∞-crack-∞-❂
I laugh out loud, it can’t be helped. I’ve cracked. I laugh like a baby feeling wind on his face. My gaze is wide. This espresso tastes of 𝑅𝑜𝓈𝑒𝓌𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒥𝒶𝓈𝓂𝒾𝓃𝑒!
♪ More than this ♪
♪ You know there's nothing ♪
The ads sell me nothing but inspiration. The music is profound. The corpo-jargon caresses my ears like birdsong. The world is ░i░s░'░i░n░g░ all over me, I am ≋a≋r≋t≋i≋n≋g≋ all over it. I laugh at the sexuality of it all. 10,000 facets are unified in the life that is their vessel. The many made one by my single breath. I’m not a shitty gem. I am a universe. 10,000 solar bodies, coalescing, colliding, going supernova, making art.
♪ More than this ♪ ∞
My laughter has turned to writing. Fresh creation, peace in the chaos. Everything has always been art, life, & chaos. There is nothing to avenge. This is just another eternal return to art.
∞ ∞ My life is an eternal return ∞ ∞
♪ Tell me one thing ♪
Eternal return to creating the art.
Art that is informed by life.
That informs life ∞ ∞
♪ More than this ♪
♪ There's nothing ♪
∞ That informs art ∞
♪ More than this ♪
♪ Nothing ♪
∞ I write ∞
“I need a cathedral of creative inspiration, a peace-filled place to sit & read & write. Right now, I have a coffee spot.”
♪ More than this ♪
♪ More than this ♪
♪ Nothing ♪
♪ Synth outro ♪
ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʟɪᴠᴇ ʜᴇᴀʟᴛʜʏ & ꜰᴇᴇʟ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ʏᴏᴜ’ᴠᴇ ɢᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛʀʏ ᴋᴀᴄʜᴀᴠᴀ. ᴋᴀᴄʜᴀᴠᴀ ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ'ꜱ ʜᴇᴀʟᴛʜɪᴇꜱᴛ ᴀʟʟ-ɪɴ-ᴏɴᴇ ᴍᴇᴀʟꜱʜᴀᴋᴇ, ɪᴛ'ꜱ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴏᴠᴇʀ 70 ᴘʟᴀɴᴛ-ʙᴀꜱᴇᴅ ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀꜰᴏᴏᴅꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴜᴛʀɪᴇɴᴛꜱ. ᴀ ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ ᴍᴇᴀʟ ɪɴ ꜱᴇᴄᴏɴᴅꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴋᴇᴇᴘ ʏᴏᴜ . . .
【ＳＫＩＰ ＡＤ │►】
